 |
 |
 |
 |
|
mylife mystyle recent perks
rommies of my life
reading .N.O.T.E.S. |
|||||||||||
|
learning to let go . . . ____________________________________________________ I guess there is lotsa things in life that I gotta learn to let go. When it is time to say goodbye, I have to say. When it is not yours, whatever you do, or hope for will be of no point.
A few hours ago, I clicked on Candice's blog and suddenly remember that Jan is indeed flying off very soon - 4 days more. He won't be back til next year. So there is no way I can see him in this period of time. There won't be accidentally bump into him in canteens, no more accidentally bump into him in library. There also won't have any meet up with him anymore. I wonder how would this half a year change us even more. Even though last wednesday I did meet up with him and Candice, the feeling is still not those positive kind. I dunno how to explain. But it is definitely not anti-jan that kinda feeling. Maybe I'll write him something before he flies off, but what would he thinks? Actually I am still rather confused. Or maybe, I just dunno what to feel? Gotta let go . . . . Grand-daddy's health is getting worse. There is nothing I can do. I don't really dare to face him anymore. Because I do not know what to say to him. It is just a month. And he needs an oxygen tank to survive now. Someone send the "life-support" system over today. I really do not want to let go. I really want to spend more time with him, but I do not know what to say. Even if I talk to him now, I think my Grand-mummy won't be happy too. She always thinks that I talked too much to my grand-daddy and caused him to be out of breath. Now how... he even need oxygen tank. Today when I saw him using the rubber tube, it just hurts me so much. The grand-daddy whom I spend my childhood with, the BEST story-teller in the world. I am going to loss him forever soon enough. Though I neglected him ever since I went into JC, I do think about him often. Always tell myself that I will accompany him and grand-mummy during holidays, but I never did. I am really a fool to think that I have MY whole lifetime to spend more time with them. But I am wrong. Totally wrong. . . I gotta let him go soon.... Today lab time slot is also out. The transport lab is rather late into the semester which I really did not like. None of my friends are with me for one of the labs. One of my friends should be having the same timing with me, but I guess Raymond did not allow. I am shy... how??? Truth be told, I am really shy. I am currently feeling scared of the "all alone lab". What can I do? Gotta let go of my shyness and be independent. . . |
